Existence

Existence freaks me out sometimes. I become hyper-aware of my own self-awareness. When I think about the vastness of space, and how much of what we consider to be solid IS space, I begin to lose touch with my body. I feel as if I'm going to die right then and there - and that's when the panic sets in. I've recently come across the phrase "runaway amygdala", and it 's
appropriate. Adrenalin starts pumping - heart starts racing - physical sensations become skewed. When I reach for something, it feels as if my hand isn't in the right place - as if my brain's body map has become disoriented. I feel as if I'm going to disintegrate...
This is a full-blown panic anxiety attack - and it's not pleasant. The egoic self perceives a threat to its existence, and calls up the physical resources it thinks it needs to survive. Of course, there's no external threat - some physical or psychological trigger has initiated this sequence of events from within - but the brain doesn't differentiate between internal and external threats it perceives. It just knows there's a threat, and the body must be mobilized for 'fight or flight' response.
Our sense of self is bound to our physical bodies. We don't trust that the consciousness can exist intact outside of our bodies. We might believe it can - or HOPE it can - but unless you've experienced a safe out-of-body experience, you can't be 100% certain that you don't need a physical body to be 'alive'.
Fear of death is said to be 'natural' - the self seeks to maintain its integrity above all other concerns. If humanity could truly understand that the body is NOT the exclusive expression of being, much of the fear in our world would dissipate...
...and I could stop taking meds.

Brain Vs. Mind, part 2

Brain: OK, I've had coffee & a cigarette, noshed on some grub and took a catnap. I'm ready to go - so what is it that you feel compelled to talk about?
Mind: God.
Brain: Why?
Mind: I want to delve into something meaningful - something that connects every fiber of every being throughout all of existence!
Brain: -smirk-
Mind: Well - what's more important than that?
Brain: Sex.
Mind: SHEESH! Is that ALL you think about?
Brain: Uh, yeah, pretty much - that and food.
Mind: Look, aren't you the least bit curious...
Brain: No, YOU look - you're trying to make me work. I don't wanna work - especially on anything that has to do with reality. Reality sux.
Mind: So what DO you want to do?
Brain: Fantasy.
Mind: SEX fantasies no doubt.
Brain: Well, yeah, there's that of course - but any kind of fantasy situation will do.
Mind: You're useless!
Brain: Au contraire, my wayward overlord. I'M the one moving this body around, ya know. My needs are simple - sex, food, shelter, sleep - pooping and peeing when necessary. Maybe a shower. Clothes when it's cold...
Mind: OK, I get the point. Now, before this becomes a Samuel Beckett play, let me tell you something...
Brain: Yes?
Mind: I won't be satisfied until I've put it a together - or at least most of it - and you ARE going to help me!
Brain: -sigh- I'm gonna need more coffee...

Brain Vs. Mind, part 1

Brain: It's too early to start blogging.
Mind: But I want to share! To give something of myself to the Cosmos!
Brain: You don't know what you want. Go back to bed.
Mind: But I'm not sleepy. Besides, my roommate's playing a video game...
Brain: You have earplugs.
Mind: That's not the point! There's a lot of stuff roiling around inside me and I want to get it out!
Brain: Do you need a laxative?
Mind: Har-de-har. You know what I'm talking about...
Brain: Dude, you're killing me! It's 6:30 in the friggin' morning!
Mind: So?
Brain: You know I don't function well this time of day.
Mind: That's why I'm brewing coffee...
Brain: COFFEE!!!!
...more later...

excerpt fron "Chuang-tse" - Burton Watson translator

"The understanding of the men of ancient times went a long way. How far did it go? To the point where some of them believed that things have never existed - so far, to the end, where nothing can be added. Those at the next stage thought that things exist but recognized no boundaries among them. Those at the next stage thought there were boundaries but recognized no right and wrong. Because right and wrong appeared, the Way was injured, and because the Way was injured, love became complete."

we are afraid

we are afraid

we are afraid of the light
it calls us
and we respond
we crave its love
but we are afraid
it will devour us

No telling where this will go....

There's busted glass and garbage on the sidewalks of the town I find myself in. It's a fitting metaphor for the town itself - broken, used up, no longer relevant. The only reason the town exists at all is the fact that it's the county seat. There's nothing here to drive the economy - so it sits like the slowly decaying car in our driveway.
The town has a long history. Passing by a graveyard, I notice the birth dates of the deceased - 1877, 1852, 1841...What was once a thriving town - trying to grow into a small city - is now a sore refuge for the disabled, the desperate, the dying.
I came here seeking asylum from my responsibilities. I am now bereft of any way of leaving. I am safe - for now...

Value...

So - I have created a bunch of music and art - and I have no idea if any of it is "good" or not. What is the intrinsic value of these creative artifacts? I really need to know if there's anything worthwhile in what I do. If you could take the time to listen to some of my music and/or view some of my artwork and tell me what you think, that'd help me tremendously!

Thanks -take care - Chris

www.reverbnation.com/chrisgivens
www.chrisgivens-the grandarchive.yolasite.com
www.want-signed.com/chrisgivens
www.photobucket.com/krysto4